Anyway, I would like some feedback on it, so I will post the very ever first draft of Pristine. It was sketchy, and I changed it a little bit, but I liked it. The story is getting intense and it gave me the feels for a little while. But, anyway. I will post the first chapter to it. (Don't steal it, please.) Here it is!
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PRISTINE
PART ONE: THE ISSUE
ONE
MELA
The North Quadrant opened up for the
day. I was still in bed, the effects of our plants getting to my lungs again.
Mama let me sleep again. I had to get out through this pain, so that I can go
back to the plants. We are the Fire Quadrant, the Fuel of the States. The
Leader of the States and his son, the Leader-in-Line, would be coming to the
North Quadrant to check on the plants. I had an appointment with the doctor
today in the West Quadrant, which is the Water Quadrant, the Healers or
Nourishment for the States. Mama slowly opened my door. I closed my eyes. We
were poor, and I don’t know how Mama collected the money to get me this
appointment. But, I wasn’t worried about it. She wouldn’t do that; not like
daddy would.
“Wake up, sleepy head. Are you
feeling any better?” She asked me. Truth was, I didn’t feel any better. If
anything, I felt the same or worse. But, I had to fake it for my mom.
“I’m okay.” I was. I could manage
with this pain in my chest. Mama stared at me with a skeptical look and grabbed
the covers off of me. She felt my head and jerked backwards.
“Oh crap!” she mumbled. “Your head’s
a furnace! We have to hurry...” She busied herself with trying to get me ready.
I swung myself out of the bed, and she helped me with my clothes. I was bundled
up. Naturally, the North Quadrant is hot. The West Quadrant will be cold, so
I’m bundled with layers. Mama helped me down the steps.
“Stay outside until I get everything
situated with your brothers and your father.” I obeyed her and sat on our
little chair that we put outside when we first moved here. Daddy had bought
that chair for us. I can remember that day very well...
“Baby, you’re gonna love this chair
that I picked out. Picked it out in the image of you.” Mama smiled and took
Daddy’s hand in hers.
“I love it...you always know how to
romance me.” Daddy smiled and picked me up. Mama rubbed her belly. I was five
at the time, and Mama’s belly was big.
“Richard is what I will name him.
Are you okay with that, Honey?” Mama asked Daddy. Daddy nodded and put the
chair on our steps. I remember giggling and Daddy holding me up in the air.
Mama laughed and put her hand on her belly. She grabbed me too and let me touch
her stomach. I pulled back.
“It’s weird! I don’t like it!” I
screamed and giggled. Mama just laughed and kissed my head.
“It’s your baby brother. You will be a big sister.”
“Really? I’m gonna be a big sister!
I have a big- I mean little brother!”
Mama laughed and
grabbed Daddy. She whispered something to Daddy, but I couldn’t make it out. He
just kept on saying “it will be okay...” and he pulled her in close. I started
kicking the cement steps and saying I was a construction man. Everything was
fuzzy after that...
I
was still sitting outside. I saw all the white kids running with their fur
coats on. I looked at my skin. It had more color to it. The white kids saw me
and came towards me. They looked me and started to laugh.
“Black kid!” One of the boys
shouted. They looked repulsed with me and ran away. I watched them and didn’t
say a word. I sat up, still hurting, and looked around the brick wall just to
make sure they were gone. Then I sat back in the chair and cried. It was the
first time in months I had cried for something other than my health. Mama came
outside. She just looked at me. I could tell that she had seen what had
happened. She didn’t have to say anything; the look on her face said it all.
Mama handed me my train ticket and went back inside. She beckoned me to stay. I
looked out at our street.
It
was small, with pipes leaking and steam blowing. Our houses were with concrete
steps on the side of the wall. The street we lived on was narrow and cramped.
There was litter everywhere. I looked down at where one of the pipes was
leaking and steaming. A family of ducks lived there. The mother just had
babies. I checked on them every day, so they weren’t afraid of me. I rummaged
through my pocket. I had crumbs of crackers from the Factory inside it. I threw
it to the family and they rushed towards it. They had to forge for things, just
like we did.
I
looked at my train ticket. It was all blue, for the West Quadrant. It had a
gold strip on the top and bottom of the ticket. One of them got checked for the
ride there, and one got checked for the ride back. The ticket smelled earthy,
like of promises and beginnings. Mama came outside again. She looked at me and
smiled a warm smile.
“Let’s
go, honey. We can’t miss this train.” I stood up, and winced. My leg was
burning with pain. I ignored it and clenched my teeth. We trudged along towards
the train station where the hustle and bustle of people flooded my ears.
